Some strange questions

I've been creating and hosting websites since 1995, in fact I still have my very first web client. But every now and again, in my role as a webmaster, I get surprised by the strange questions I get asked on the phone or via email that make me want to laugh...

Here are a few examples:

  • Here is my business card, can you make it into a website?
    (in fact in this case I DID make him a website - but it took a fair few questions about his business before I had enough data to do it)
  • The internet is not working anywhere in our village, can you switch it back on?
    (it's flattering to have someone think I have that much control over the internet)
  • If I have a website do I really need to have a hosting account?
    (without a hosting account a website can't appear on the internet)
  • I'm starting a business, can you make me a website and let me pay you when I make some money?
    (you'd be surprised how many times I have heard that one - I always politely refuse and wish them luck)
  • I want a copy of the internet to read offline, can you provide it in CD?
    (this one made me laugh, and was actually fairly recent)
  • Can you make me a paper copy of Google so I don't have to go online to get answers?
    (well, at 30 TRILLION pages transporting it would be an issue - not exactly bedtime reading, it wouldn't fit in your house let alone your bedroom)
  • I like Facebook - but I think I could do better, could you build me a copy of Facebook, with my logo on it, by next weekend?
    (given a multi-million dollar budget I'm sure I could - but by the weekend would be stretching it)
  • [At 7:40am on Boxing Day morning] Hope you've had a good Xmas holiday, can you update my website?
    (at 7:40am on Boxing Day morning my Xmas holiday had hardly got started...)
  • I dont have the internet at home - can I have a website on a CD so I can give customers a copy of the CD and they can put it onto their own internet when they get home?
    (does anybody even use CD's for files these days?)
  • I bought a USB Memory stick, if I send it to you can you turn it into a dongle like my friend has got so I can use it to get internet in my house for free?
    (thought this was a joke call at first, but the person was serious)